link to part 4: here
“This coffee house seems quite famous. Does it have some kind of history?” she asked.
“It does, but more importantly coffee houses are often part of beginnings.” He replied, smiling. She smiled in return.
It was his turn to ask- “It was quite unusual of me to ask someone I am meeting first time in bus for a coffee date. I am quite sure it wasn’t usual of you to say yes as well. Why did you say yes?”
“Well I thought that for first time in many years, or first time ever, I am meeting someone genuine & different though a bit weird. But there is also the chance of you ‘acting’ intelligent or different, say just to impress, so wanted to find out that too.”
“Do you think it is possible? ‘Acting’ intelligent or different?”
“No, I don’t”, Sheetal said with a sudden spark in eyes. “But it is possible that I may mistakenly believe so”, her expressions changed while saying this. “Have you ever committed such mistake?” She asked.
“Well, it sounds from the tone of the question that you have, in past” Nakul said with a half mocking smile.
“You think you are too smart, don’t you?”
“I don’t need to think it” he replied with same smile but added with a serious tone, “if it helps you, I did commit such mistake, but there is no point dwelling over it”
“Okay, so what exactly do you do, apart from professing your thoughts to someone crazy enough to listen?”
He told about himself and answered each question patiently, logically. Later he asked her few questions. The questions were very simple & basic but questions of the kind she had wished to hear but hadn’t heard ever. They continued talking, forgetting everything else. Once in a while, they ordered for odd snack item or coffee, each time the waitress came back with the question “anything else?” with anticipation of- “No, cheque please.” They had a good laugh when the waitress returned.
They discussed many topics. She felt astonished at some of his radical thoughts and amazed at his childlike manner of expressing. He, on the other hand was behaving as if he has known her since long and such a discussion with her was natural & inevitable.
She suddenly felt happy & joyous, similar to what she had felt in morning. The events of the morning seemed to have happened weeks ago. But then she recalled what happened in college & it made her uncomfortable. “Am I committing same mistake, anticipating something great, only to regret later?” Her expressions changed.
“What happened?” he asked.
“Nothing. I have to go. Getting late.”
He understood that that was not the reason. “Well, is there going to be another meeting then?”
“Maybe” she said with a chuckle and left, giving her contact number.
Nakul kept staring at her walking figure. He felt a sea of emotions. For once, he didn’t want to find out the reason behind the emotions, they seemed perfectly in place.
to be continued...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Random walk - IV
link to part 3 here
Sheetal reached her college with a feeling of enthusiasm. But her mood dampened a bit on entering. The college was unusually crowded and active. She suddenly remembered that it was student council elections. The next thought was natural for her. Tarun was one of the candidates for the post of president. The odds were heavily in his favour. Tarun was one of her first friends on campus. Now she wished she had never talked with him. But at some odd moment, she recalled time spent with him, she recalled moments when she had thought of him as ideal man, she recalled moments when she started realizing that he was not what she thought he was. She recalled moments when she hated herself for making a bad mistake, desperately hoping that she is mistaken. “Ohh, that is past. I should not be so hard on myself. Everybody commits mistakes. Even in my mistake, I was in love with an ideal vision in mind”, she thought. Love. She suddenly felt as if she skipped a heartbeat. “Yes, I was in love with him. Or was it with the vision I held? How does it matter one way or the other? I just hope he didn’t know it.”
But she knew that he knew. That was evident from the way he looked at her with a smirk every time he saw her after she started avoiding him. Tarun was a poster boy of current generation. He had a huge fan following on the campus. He was tall and had a handsome face. But what attracted everyone towards him were ‘boy-next-door’ expressions and a smile which showed not even a hint of pride but generosity towards others. A smile which indicated, “I understand you. But neither you nor I can help anything.” But he often went out of his way and made sure he helps everyone and is in their good books. He never had a particular end to achieve. All he wanted was power over everyone. “This is not an age to rule people by force but it is age of ruling people by compassion”, he often thought. Once he developed this firm belief, path towards goal became clear. Everybody else was a means towards the unknown end, except Sheetal. He had met her on very first day of college. He had always enjoyed his friendship with her. She was his escape route. No matter what he said while talking with others, he confessed to her what he truly felt. He thought that she loved him and would understand him. He never questioned to himself whether he loved her. He had always taken her for granted. When she started ignoring him he was puzzled. But he didn’t bother to find out reason. By now, he was the most popular person on campus and was touted to achieve big things. If she would have really loved me, she would not have questioned me but would have trusted me, he thought. With every success of his, he held an even more boastful look when he met her. She was totally indifferent. This bothered him even more. Gradually, however, he chose to ignore her. An impractical idealist fool like her will realize her mistake one day. Life is not like how she sees. The world doesn’t run that way, he thought. Impractical--for whom? --- Whose life?--- Which world? These questions didn’t occur to him.
Sheetal watched all the processions blankly. She had some important work to do but it seemed impossible to do it amidst elections. “How come I forgot about the elections? Wouldn’t have bothered coming to college today,” she wondered.
“Hey! This is a surprise. You would be the last person I would expect on campus today” said Tarun. He had spotted her and was genuinely surprised.
“It might sound stupid, but I forgot that it is Election Day,” she replied.
“Haha. That is funny and rude at the same time. Typical of you. “
“I would get going now”
“Your wish. If it matters to you, I am expected to win today with clear majority. Everybody is voting for a change and they say that I am the one to bring about a change. They have faith in me because I have faith in them. It is always mutual”
“Good Luck, Tarun. You need not explain them or yourself to me”
“OK. I too have to go now. Your hatred towards me or my ways is futile. Bye”
“Bye”
Sheetal spotted few of her friends at canteen. But she wanted to get out of the campus right away and started walking back. Perhaps Tarun is right. My hatred is futile, she wondered. Perhaps thinking so much is worthless. I should go back, have a nice time and then vote for the popular person. I can have the popular reason of, ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’. It should be so simple. Why then do I feel exalted when I achieve result after complex thinking process, whatever the nature of problem might be? Why do I feel guilty when I don’t think something through? Do they not feel the same, everyone else? Why do they choose to belittle that which has carried human race forward and glorify all that which is wrong? There you are! Again, thinking of yourself as someone great just because you think. What right you have to judge someone? It is so simple. Adapt yourself to the world. Accept nature to be malevolent and people to be benevolent. You will get along fine with everyone and everything.”
Sheetal reached the bus stop. There was a long queue in anticipation. There was a boy who was staring at tall buildings and trees. Suddenly bus arrived and people started pushing him and cursing him. He had expressions as if somebody has woken him up when he was fast asleep. Sheetal burst out laughing .
That boy was last one to enter the bus. The place next to Sheetal was empty.
“Can I sit here?”
“Your choice. I don’t own this bus or seat” she said smiling, still recalling the funny incident.
He sat down. He had watched her laughing outside. No matter how much dumb he acted, nothing of significance ever escaped his eyes. He had watched her carefully. There was something peculiar, something different about that laughter and those eyes. “She seems different from the rest. The eyes certainly say so.” He thought, going back to that moment. “Maybe I am assuming too much. And how does it matter if she is different. Probably I will never even get a chance to talk.”
“Hello, is something wrong with you?” she asked
.
“What? Me? Maybe. Don’t know. Why?”
She laughed. “You are making weird faces and mumbling something.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Were you searching for words to speak to me?”
“Uh, what? Who? Me? Maybe.”
“I am Sheetal”
“I am Nakul”
Nice to meet you, Nakul. I couldn’t help but notice you staring at buildings and trees. What was so special?”
“I too couldn’t help but notice your laughter. I was comparing the tree and the birds residing on that tree, a scenario which had been same since ever against journey of human beings from caves to skyscrapers. “
“Ooohh, quite philosophical and I didn't imagine you would notice me laughing! Anyway, do you think thinking in such terms is of any use?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Do you always talk in terms of ‘maybe’?”
“Well, just because this is first meeting I am acting weird. From next meeting onwards, I would be quite normal”
“Who told you there will be next meeting?”
“Oh, there isn’t? Well, maybe then we can continue this meeting longer. When is your stop?”
“Next one,” she replied.
“Is it? Funny. Mine too. Incidentally there is a nice café near that stop,” he said with poker face. Sheetal smiled.
To be continued….
Sheetal reached her college with a feeling of enthusiasm. But her mood dampened a bit on entering. The college was unusually crowded and active. She suddenly remembered that it was student council elections. The next thought was natural for her. Tarun was one of the candidates for the post of president. The odds were heavily in his favour. Tarun was one of her first friends on campus. Now she wished she had never talked with him. But at some odd moment, she recalled time spent with him, she recalled moments when she had thought of him as ideal man, she recalled moments when she started realizing that he was not what she thought he was. She recalled moments when she hated herself for making a bad mistake, desperately hoping that she is mistaken. “Ohh, that is past. I should not be so hard on myself. Everybody commits mistakes. Even in my mistake, I was in love with an ideal vision in mind”, she thought. Love. She suddenly felt as if she skipped a heartbeat. “Yes, I was in love with him. Or was it with the vision I held? How does it matter one way or the other? I just hope he didn’t know it.”
But she knew that he knew. That was evident from the way he looked at her with a smirk every time he saw her after she started avoiding him. Tarun was a poster boy of current generation. He had a huge fan following on the campus. He was tall and had a handsome face. But what attracted everyone towards him were ‘boy-next-door’ expressions and a smile which showed not even a hint of pride but generosity towards others. A smile which indicated, “I understand you. But neither you nor I can help anything.” But he often went out of his way and made sure he helps everyone and is in their good books. He never had a particular end to achieve. All he wanted was power over everyone. “This is not an age to rule people by force but it is age of ruling people by compassion”, he often thought. Once he developed this firm belief, path towards goal became clear. Everybody else was a means towards the unknown end, except Sheetal. He had met her on very first day of college. He had always enjoyed his friendship with her. She was his escape route. No matter what he said while talking with others, he confessed to her what he truly felt. He thought that she loved him and would understand him. He never questioned to himself whether he loved her. He had always taken her for granted. When she started ignoring him he was puzzled. But he didn’t bother to find out reason. By now, he was the most popular person on campus and was touted to achieve big things. If she would have really loved me, she would not have questioned me but would have trusted me, he thought. With every success of his, he held an even more boastful look when he met her. She was totally indifferent. This bothered him even more. Gradually, however, he chose to ignore her. An impractical idealist fool like her will realize her mistake one day. Life is not like how she sees. The world doesn’t run that way, he thought. Impractical--for whom? --- Whose life?--- Which world? These questions didn’t occur to him.
Sheetal watched all the processions blankly. She had some important work to do but it seemed impossible to do it amidst elections. “How come I forgot about the elections? Wouldn’t have bothered coming to college today,” she wondered.
“Hey! This is a surprise. You would be the last person I would expect on campus today” said Tarun. He had spotted her and was genuinely surprised.
“It might sound stupid, but I forgot that it is Election Day,” she replied.
“Haha. That is funny and rude at the same time. Typical of you. “
“I would get going now”
“Your wish. If it matters to you, I am expected to win today with clear majority. Everybody is voting for a change and they say that I am the one to bring about a change. They have faith in me because I have faith in them. It is always mutual”
“Good Luck, Tarun. You need not explain them or yourself to me”
“OK. I too have to go now. Your hatred towards me or my ways is futile. Bye”
“Bye”
Sheetal spotted few of her friends at canteen. But she wanted to get out of the campus right away and started walking back. Perhaps Tarun is right. My hatred is futile, she wondered. Perhaps thinking so much is worthless. I should go back, have a nice time and then vote for the popular person. I can have the popular reason of, ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’. It should be so simple. Why then do I feel exalted when I achieve result after complex thinking process, whatever the nature of problem might be? Why do I feel guilty when I don’t think something through? Do they not feel the same, everyone else? Why do they choose to belittle that which has carried human race forward and glorify all that which is wrong? There you are! Again, thinking of yourself as someone great just because you think. What right you have to judge someone? It is so simple. Adapt yourself to the world. Accept nature to be malevolent and people to be benevolent. You will get along fine with everyone and everything.”
Sheetal reached the bus stop. There was a long queue in anticipation. There was a boy who was staring at tall buildings and trees. Suddenly bus arrived and people started pushing him and cursing him. He had expressions as if somebody has woken him up when he was fast asleep. Sheetal burst out laughing .
That boy was last one to enter the bus. The place next to Sheetal was empty.
“Can I sit here?”
“Your choice. I don’t own this bus or seat” she said smiling, still recalling the funny incident.
He sat down. He had watched her laughing outside. No matter how much dumb he acted, nothing of significance ever escaped his eyes. He had watched her carefully. There was something peculiar, something different about that laughter and those eyes. “She seems different from the rest. The eyes certainly say so.” He thought, going back to that moment. “Maybe I am assuming too much. And how does it matter if she is different. Probably I will never even get a chance to talk.”
“Hello, is something wrong with you?” she asked
.
“What? Me? Maybe. Don’t know. Why?”
She laughed. “You are making weird faces and mumbling something.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Were you searching for words to speak to me?”
“Uh, what? Who? Me? Maybe.”
“I am Sheetal”
“I am Nakul”
Nice to meet you, Nakul. I couldn’t help but notice you staring at buildings and trees. What was so special?”
“I too couldn’t help but notice your laughter. I was comparing the tree and the birds residing on that tree, a scenario which had been same since ever against journey of human beings from caves to skyscrapers. “
“Ooohh, quite philosophical and I didn't imagine you would notice me laughing! Anyway, do you think thinking in such terms is of any use?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Do you always talk in terms of ‘maybe’?”
“Well, just because this is first meeting I am acting weird. From next meeting onwards, I would be quite normal”
“Who told you there will be next meeting?”
“Oh, there isn’t? Well, maybe then we can continue this meeting longer. When is your stop?”
“Next one,” she replied.
“Is it? Funny. Mine too. Incidentally there is a nice café near that stop,” he said with poker face. Sheetal smiled.
To be continued….
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Random walk - III
Link to part 1: here
link to part 2: here
Note: This part is NOT a sequence of part 2.
The bus suddenly came to screeching halt. Bus conductor was shouting the approaching stop’s name. People were fake laughing and were talking out of compulsion, anxiously waiting for their stop. The discussions were ranging from international politics to their boss’s affair with his secretary. Sheetal was deep in her thoughts when the sudden brakes disrupted everyone. It took her some moments to get hold of the reality, as if she had came back from a different world. She overheard some of the conversations. Most of them were lacking any serious base. She saw couple of boys making passes at girls sitting on adjacent seat. The girls were giggling as if this was a scene from some Bollywood movie. There were few elderly people seating behind her. They started cursing current generation and asserting how the previous generation was ‘cultured.’ No, this is not the world I was thinking of! Sheetal thought.
Sheetal was a thin girl with a face which one can remember forever. The intelligence apparent on her face, combined with brisk, purposeful walking style gave her an elegant look. Her eyes were bright and honest, a trait not often seen but a trait which often tells lot about a person. While describing her looks, people always labeled her with phrases such as ‘cute, but kind of different’. They hesitated in calling her attractive. Her mannerisms didn’t fit in the conventional definition of attractiveness. So for simplicity purpose they labeled her as ‘different’ because it was too much effort bothering if someone is attractive or not. Attractiveness, in the end, was subjective to them, but it never occurred to them that what one finds attractive is result sum of his/her convictions.
To their credit, she was in fact different. For Sheetal, life was a puzzle, a puzzle to be solved by setting up equations and solving them step-by-step to reach the solution. Often solution to one problem contradicted equations of some other problem. It bothered her, but she was happy in the thrill of solving the problems. For once, she wanted to correct all the contradictions but it never seemed to happen. Similar thing had happened when her thought process was disrupted while travelling in the bus. She couldn’t match the utopian world she was dreaming of with what she was seeing. Probably people are right in saying that everyone is different with combination of good and bad in varied proportions, she thought. Perhaps, then, I should work with whatever good I find. Part of her mind was screaming, “How much good is good enough?” She chose to ignore it. She was hoping that somebody someday will prove her wrong but knew that she will fight all she can not to let that happen.
The bus conductor yelled her stop’s name. She stopped thinking and got up eagerly. The boys, who were previously flirting with other girls, kept staring at her smiling radiant face. She gave an amused look to them, not recalling if she had seen them before. It was a new day and potential new excitements and new puzzles awaited her. She started walking out of the bus hoping for a new experience.
to be continued...
link to part 2: here
Note: This part is NOT a sequence of part 2.
The bus suddenly came to screeching halt. Bus conductor was shouting the approaching stop’s name. People were fake laughing and were talking out of compulsion, anxiously waiting for their stop. The discussions were ranging from international politics to their boss’s affair with his secretary. Sheetal was deep in her thoughts when the sudden brakes disrupted everyone. It took her some moments to get hold of the reality, as if she had came back from a different world. She overheard some of the conversations. Most of them were lacking any serious base. She saw couple of boys making passes at girls sitting on adjacent seat. The girls were giggling as if this was a scene from some Bollywood movie. There were few elderly people seating behind her. They started cursing current generation and asserting how the previous generation was ‘cultured.’ No, this is not the world I was thinking of! Sheetal thought.
Sheetal was a thin girl with a face which one can remember forever. The intelligence apparent on her face, combined with brisk, purposeful walking style gave her an elegant look. Her eyes were bright and honest, a trait not often seen but a trait which often tells lot about a person. While describing her looks, people always labeled her with phrases such as ‘cute, but kind of different’. They hesitated in calling her attractive. Her mannerisms didn’t fit in the conventional definition of attractiveness. So for simplicity purpose they labeled her as ‘different’ because it was too much effort bothering if someone is attractive or not. Attractiveness, in the end, was subjective to them, but it never occurred to them that what one finds attractive is result sum of his/her convictions.
To their credit, she was in fact different. For Sheetal, life was a puzzle, a puzzle to be solved by setting up equations and solving them step-by-step to reach the solution. Often solution to one problem contradicted equations of some other problem. It bothered her, but she was happy in the thrill of solving the problems. For once, she wanted to correct all the contradictions but it never seemed to happen. Similar thing had happened when her thought process was disrupted while travelling in the bus. She couldn’t match the utopian world she was dreaming of with what she was seeing. Probably people are right in saying that everyone is different with combination of good and bad in varied proportions, she thought. Perhaps, then, I should work with whatever good I find. Part of her mind was screaming, “How much good is good enough?” She chose to ignore it. She was hoping that somebody someday will prove her wrong but knew that she will fight all she can not to let that happen.
The bus conductor yelled her stop’s name. She stopped thinking and got up eagerly. The boys, who were previously flirting with other girls, kept staring at her smiling radiant face. She gave an amused look to them, not recalling if she had seen them before. It was a new day and potential new excitements and new puzzles awaited her. She started walking out of the bus hoping for a new experience.
to be continued...
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Random walk - II
Continued from previous post:
link to part I: here
Next day when he got up, all those thoughts were still ringing in his head. There were certain mails in his e-mail inbox which required urgent attention but he felt boredom towards them. For a moment, he thought of the investment he had put up to come to this place. Investment is a relative term whose success depends on achievement of the purpose. These so called urgent matters had nothing to do with the purpose. But their academic importance couldn’t have been ignored so he quickly finished with those tasks. Somehow, he had always found it very difficult to do routine activities. Each routine activity was like a boring assignment, which he postponed as far as possible. Lunch in college canteen was another such activity. Quickly finishing with lunch, he went for a walk, alone, which was against the famed college culture.
It was bright sunny day, a treat in winter. This was best period in college as far as exhibition of nature’s beauty was concerned. There were hundreds of flowers; of scores of varieties, standing tall on their stem. Their appearance had a sense of vanity. He stood looking at the flowers, absent-mindedly. It was not exactly absent-minded behavior, but he was again lost in his thoughts. Flower, the reproductive part of a plant is never called upon by other parts to prove its worth time & again, he thought. Each part carries its own task as assigned by nature. But human beings often consider it unnecessary to appreciate those who carry human race forward in true sense. They consider it unnecessary to use the cognitive ability they are blessed with to understand nature.
“Nakul!! Where are you lost? I said ‘hi’ twice”, a friend interrupted.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear”, he replied.
“Typical of you, what were you thinking?”
“Nothing. Nothing of much importance”
“Don’t you have class?”
“I don’t, probably”
“Haha. OK. I got to go. See you later, bye”
“Bye”
He suddenly became aware of many other students roaming around. Funny it is, he thought. I didn’t see anyone 5-10 min back. From where did they come suddenly? Or were they here then too? Doesn’t matter one way or the other, he thought. He noticed few people. He always observed people very closely. Not always of any particular interest in that person but to identify underlying philosophies behind various behaviors. In some cases, he could actually visualize the psychological developmental stages of people. He could see practical results of some thoughts which he had out rightly rejected in past or thoughts which he believed would lead to dead end. Not surprisingly, he was certainly not the biggest fan of these people. “That could have been me, had I considered it superficial to understand importance of abstractions in solving real-life problems” was what he thought and moved on.
For a change, he decided to visit library. He glanced through the headlines of newspaper. There is something wrong with the world as it is, he thought. That has always been the case. The solution seems so near yet so far. All the news in newspaper seemed inter-related. All news items whether describing successes or failures had a common philosophical base, to think or not. Why can’t anyone else see those links? Or is it that they see but choose to ignore? What is more contemptible? He only knew that thinking on it further was of not much use. He consoled himself saying “today’s world is not that bad, one can still act on his free will.” Yes, one can but the phrase ‘living dangerously’ never seemed more apt. He returned to his room.
The day went by. He was suddenly feeling very lonely in the evening. It caught him by surprise. He hadn’t felt like this for a long time. One part of him was smiling. This was a philosophical-psychological assignment, a tough but interesting assignment and he was very keen on knowing how he himself would proceed on it. He could have sought help, but decided against it. This made the task even tougher. He was always too aware of thought processes going on in his mind and subsequent emotions. So, this was not a random feeling. His teacher had taught that emotions don’t exist stand-alone, as irreducible primary. They are derived sum of one’s value judgments. What was the root cause of this loneliness then? Was it a longing for someone equal, someone who understands, someone who wants same thing or was it a desperate failed attempt in making unreality real? There is always a sure method to solve such problems, he thought. Check the premises. He started pacing in his room back and forth, as was his style. If suffering is what one aims for; that kind of person would desperately try to make unreality real. It seemed inconceivable that he would aim for that. He had never understood the glorification of suffering. It is not something to be taken seriously. Suffering is not part & parcel of life as some religious leaders and philosophers profess. Suffering is like a waste product of a chemical process and waste can never be the purpose of a process. The assignment was more or less solved. If the reason behind loneliness was the other possibility he thought of, it should only be matter of time.
He got back to his work promising himself that he would not let this thought bother him again.
to be continued...
link to part I: here
Next day when he got up, all those thoughts were still ringing in his head. There were certain mails in his e-mail inbox which required urgent attention but he felt boredom towards them. For a moment, he thought of the investment he had put up to come to this place. Investment is a relative term whose success depends on achievement of the purpose. These so called urgent matters had nothing to do with the purpose. But their academic importance couldn’t have been ignored so he quickly finished with those tasks. Somehow, he had always found it very difficult to do routine activities. Each routine activity was like a boring assignment, which he postponed as far as possible. Lunch in college canteen was another such activity. Quickly finishing with lunch, he went for a walk, alone, which was against the famed college culture.
It was bright sunny day, a treat in winter. This was best period in college as far as exhibition of nature’s beauty was concerned. There were hundreds of flowers; of scores of varieties, standing tall on their stem. Their appearance had a sense of vanity. He stood looking at the flowers, absent-mindedly. It was not exactly absent-minded behavior, but he was again lost in his thoughts. Flower, the reproductive part of a plant is never called upon by other parts to prove its worth time & again, he thought. Each part carries its own task as assigned by nature. But human beings often consider it unnecessary to appreciate those who carry human race forward in true sense. They consider it unnecessary to use the cognitive ability they are blessed with to understand nature.
“Nakul!! Where are you lost? I said ‘hi’ twice”, a friend interrupted.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear”, he replied.
“Typical of you, what were you thinking?”
“Nothing. Nothing of much importance”
“Don’t you have class?”
“I don’t, probably”
“Haha. OK. I got to go. See you later, bye”
“Bye”
He suddenly became aware of many other students roaming around. Funny it is, he thought. I didn’t see anyone 5-10 min back. From where did they come suddenly? Or were they here then too? Doesn’t matter one way or the other, he thought. He noticed few people. He always observed people very closely. Not always of any particular interest in that person but to identify underlying philosophies behind various behaviors. In some cases, he could actually visualize the psychological developmental stages of people. He could see practical results of some thoughts which he had out rightly rejected in past or thoughts which he believed would lead to dead end. Not surprisingly, he was certainly not the biggest fan of these people. “That could have been me, had I considered it superficial to understand importance of abstractions in solving real-life problems” was what he thought and moved on.
For a change, he decided to visit library. He glanced through the headlines of newspaper. There is something wrong with the world as it is, he thought. That has always been the case. The solution seems so near yet so far. All the news in newspaper seemed inter-related. All news items whether describing successes or failures had a common philosophical base, to think or not. Why can’t anyone else see those links? Or is it that they see but choose to ignore? What is more contemptible? He only knew that thinking on it further was of not much use. He consoled himself saying “today’s world is not that bad, one can still act on his free will.” Yes, one can but the phrase ‘living dangerously’ never seemed more apt. He returned to his room.
The day went by. He was suddenly feeling very lonely in the evening. It caught him by surprise. He hadn’t felt like this for a long time. One part of him was smiling. This was a philosophical-psychological assignment, a tough but interesting assignment and he was very keen on knowing how he himself would proceed on it. He could have sought help, but decided against it. This made the task even tougher. He was always too aware of thought processes going on in his mind and subsequent emotions. So, this was not a random feeling. His teacher had taught that emotions don’t exist stand-alone, as irreducible primary. They are derived sum of one’s value judgments. What was the root cause of this loneliness then? Was it a longing for someone equal, someone who understands, someone who wants same thing or was it a desperate failed attempt in making unreality real? There is always a sure method to solve such problems, he thought. Check the premises. He started pacing in his room back and forth, as was his style. If suffering is what one aims for; that kind of person would desperately try to make unreality real. It seemed inconceivable that he would aim for that. He had never understood the glorification of suffering. It is not something to be taken seriously. Suffering is not part & parcel of life as some religious leaders and philosophers profess. Suffering is like a waste product of a chemical process and waste can never be the purpose of a process. The assignment was more or less solved. If the reason behind loneliness was the other possibility he thought of, it should only be matter of time.
He got back to his work promising himself that he would not let this thought bother him again.
to be continued...
Friday, January 14, 2011
Random walk
He was standing alone, outside a cafeteria leaning against the concrete pillar, thinking, for a long time. There were people passing by, he had responded to their customary greetings, but he barely remembered doing that afterwards. Only thing which he was aware of was the hot cup of coffee he was holding. It was cold, unusually cold and he liked the warm feeling of the cup in hand. Suddenly he felt resentment towards himself for leaning against the pillar. “Why do I need this pillar for support”, he asked himself. He observed the pillar from bottom to top again. “No, the pillar doesn’t care if I need it or not. It is there to support the building structure. This pillar is as concrete as the pillars which I have chosen and constructed carefully for building my character”, he thought. “No, I have never doubted the strength of those pillars and will never doubt; whatever be the setbacks and difficulties. Why then do I constantly feel an attack on foundation of these pillars? I am surely too insignificant in those attackers’ eyes.” He quickly found the answer. “Sure you are too insignificant for them to worry, but the pillars are not. It is precisely those pillars which they want to attack.” “But then, who are ‘they’?” he asked himself. “They are everybody and nobody.” He had a derisive smile. He started walking back.
He recalled certain news items read earlier that day. He couldn’t believe an article titled ‘short selling rumours is not a bad strategy’ can become news. He had read a judgment passed by a Supreme Court judge which even a 6 year old will be ashamed of. But he had studied how there is invariably a ‘reference case’ for everything that happens and how conveniently a judge can abdicate his responsibility to apply rational mind. What someone does at his work is rarely different from his convictions about life, he thought. “What will happen when a manager will abdicate responsibility? He will hire a consultant. What if consultant also does the same? Who cares? It is no longer manager’s responsibility. Observe the basis of some financial instruments, he told himself, and see similar implications in real life. What is mortgaged? – ‘Who cares? Everything is fair’ attitude. What is the collateral? – The moratorium on identifying reality. Where is the derived security sold? – ‘The world market which scoffs at rational mind concept.’ Till when? – Till someone innocent doesn’t question the fundamental, like the child does in emperor’s new clothes story.”
“What is the answer of combined gang of some economists, socialists and altruists to the ‘greed’ resulting because of above theory? Distribute the wealth equally among everyone without bothering who actually created it. By their solution a beggar has righteous claim on a successful person’s wealth. It is not beggar’s fault that the other person was ‘privilieged’. Privileged? In what? Using own mind? That won’t be answered. These altruists then start applying this theory everywhere. So even when what they ask for is fair they don’t find rational argument and the supporting arguments such as “those who are in XLRI by clearing XAT have done so because of coaching institutes so they shouldn’t consider themselves special” are born.
He suddenly remembered her. It brought smile on his face. This is a good way, he thought. I can think of all questions as a conversation with her. “Will the answers be different than what I expect? Let me try.” He had lost his way to his room and reached wrong floor of hostel. “Ahhhh… not again”, he said and resumed the ‘conversation’, walking back. Many issues were discussed, argued and agreed upon. He realized it was too late and reluctantly went to bed, but the conversation continued in his mind. The last conscious question he asked was- “Why can’t I become indifferent to all these things even after understanding their true nature?”
To be continued…..
He recalled certain news items read earlier that day. He couldn’t believe an article titled ‘short selling rumours is not a bad strategy’ can become news. He had read a judgment passed by a Supreme Court judge which even a 6 year old will be ashamed of. But he had studied how there is invariably a ‘reference case’ for everything that happens and how conveniently a judge can abdicate his responsibility to apply rational mind. What someone does at his work is rarely different from his convictions about life, he thought. “What will happen when a manager will abdicate responsibility? He will hire a consultant. What if consultant also does the same? Who cares? It is no longer manager’s responsibility. Observe the basis of some financial instruments, he told himself, and see similar implications in real life. What is mortgaged? – ‘Who cares? Everything is fair’ attitude. What is the collateral? – The moratorium on identifying reality. Where is the derived security sold? – ‘The world market which scoffs at rational mind concept.’ Till when? – Till someone innocent doesn’t question the fundamental, like the child does in emperor’s new clothes story.”
“What is the answer of combined gang of some economists, socialists and altruists to the ‘greed’ resulting because of above theory? Distribute the wealth equally among everyone without bothering who actually created it. By their solution a beggar has righteous claim on a successful person’s wealth. It is not beggar’s fault that the other person was ‘privilieged’. Privileged? In what? Using own mind? That won’t be answered. These altruists then start applying this theory everywhere. So even when what they ask for is fair they don’t find rational argument and the supporting arguments such as “those who are in XLRI by clearing XAT have done so because of coaching institutes so they shouldn’t consider themselves special” are born.
He suddenly remembered her. It brought smile on his face. This is a good way, he thought. I can think of all questions as a conversation with her. “Will the answers be different than what I expect? Let me try.” He had lost his way to his room and reached wrong floor of hostel. “Ahhhh… not again”, he said and resumed the ‘conversation’, walking back. Many issues were discussed, argued and agreed upon. He realized it was too late and reluctantly went to bed, but the conversation continued in his mind. The last conscious question he asked was- “Why can’t I become indifferent to all these things even after understanding their true nature?”
To be continued…..
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Looking back
As the month of December started progressing towards later stage, I wondered about the blogging year that passed by. I never found any difference between December of previous year and January of current, but sometimes it gives added/new found vigour for certain tasks, or so is believed. In March I started blogging. I was pretty sure that ‘lazy Kunal’ is a formidable force to reckon with and this blogging adventure will end after 2-3 posts separated by a gap of 2-3 months. But fortunately lazy Kunal has been mostly away, doing nothing and didn’t interrupt. But suddenly, couple of days back, he had a look at blog site and was shattered to see 19 posts. An immediate meeting of all Kunals was called. The agenda was Blogger Kunal’s increasing influence within Kunal community. All important members including SAIL(sarcastic and irony loving) Kunal, IDGAD(I don’t give a damn) Kunal, cry-baby Kunal, creative Kunal etc were present. To everyone’s surprise, Reddevil Kunal too had come, but not without his laptop. He was utilizing time and was playing FIFA 11 when others were just wasting time chatting before the meeting.
Finally the meeting started. Lazy Kunal had to sleep again so without any formalities he directly got to the point. He said, “This guy, blogger Kunal is just going on & on. I was busy doing nothing. But how can you guys let him become so influential? I certainly expected better from you, SAIL Kunal & IDGAD Kunal” IDGAD Kunal just gave a smirk implying “Dude, have you forgotten my name?” Creative Kunal interrupted. He was acting as a crusader on part of blogger Kunal.
He said, “This guy has given most of us a chance to showcase our talent. I, SAIL, philosopher, Reddevil, everyone; at some point of time, got chance to express our views. Even some of his attempts at humour were decent we must agree. Don’t you all think so?”
“Gooooaaalllll!!! Take that loserfools. Haaaaa. Manchester United rules!!” Reddevil Kunal shouted but realizing the gravity of the situation he stopped his match, pretending to listen.
“Sense of humour? Meh. Every guy has sense of humour” said MCP Kunal.
“What are you saying MCP? Don’t underestimate sense of humour of girls. They have tremendous sense of humour when it comes to relationships.” commented SAIL Kunal.
Everybody had a good laugh. Lazy Kunal put order in place. Philosopher Kunal said, “You guys are good for nothing. I am very happy with his writings on Ayn Rand. I am an eagle and I don’t have time for all you rats” and he left. SAIL Kunal and Reddevil Kunal too agreed that blogger Kunal has taken care of their views. Cry-baby Kunal has become thick skinned and didn’t have any problem on blogger Kunal having pop once in a while at his ‘failed adventures’. In the end it was agreed that blogger Kunal is harmless and his endeavours, while they last, are good for everyone, except lazy Kunal. Lazy Kunal was disappointed but he had already missed his sleeping time, so he blocked the blog site on his laptop and went to sleep.
Looking back from blogger Kunal’s point of view, blogging has been amazing experience. It is amazing how things become clearer and how certain errors become apparent once the thoughts are written down. After first few blogs, there was a feeling, “will I write ever again?” That feeling is fading away though traces of it still remain. I always have a line in mind when quizzed on passion for football and Manchester United: ‘There is thin line between hobby and obsession. I have long since crossed that.’ Passion/love turning into obsession has been true in certain other cases as well, and it is not necessarily good always but I hope this writing hobby takes a higher step. It might be a ‘conceited assumption’ that I write well, similar to the title ‘perplexed omniscient’ but writing has certainly made the MBA life easier. I got a chance to visit blogs of many people and it was amazing to read certain blogs and most importantly the complex thought process behind it. The writings of my two favourite authors, P.L. Deshpande and Ayn Rand have more than convinced me that writing is an art and it was great satisfaction to contribute a drop in this ocean of art.
The most honest writing can come out only if one writes for himself/herself, at least in the early stages of developing one’s own abstraction and that’s what I have tried to do. Once that conviction has been reached, then only one can address the sort of audience one intends to address. This is not an end of some magnum opus or some famous play, it is far from it but still I would like to thank those few but regular visitors of my blog for taking the effort of expressing their views, conforming or non-conforming. Special thanks to those very few who have understood the intention of posts to the fullest, nothing is more satisfactory to a writer than a reader grasping the full meaning. Hopefully lazy Kunal won’t interrupt me again.
Finally the meeting started. Lazy Kunal had to sleep again so without any formalities he directly got to the point. He said, “This guy, blogger Kunal is just going on & on. I was busy doing nothing. But how can you guys let him become so influential? I certainly expected better from you, SAIL Kunal & IDGAD Kunal” IDGAD Kunal just gave a smirk implying “Dude, have you forgotten my name?” Creative Kunal interrupted. He was acting as a crusader on part of blogger Kunal.
He said, “This guy has given most of us a chance to showcase our talent. I, SAIL, philosopher, Reddevil, everyone; at some point of time, got chance to express our views. Even some of his attempts at humour were decent we must agree. Don’t you all think so?”
“Gooooaaalllll!!! Take that loserfools. Haaaaa. Manchester United rules!!” Reddevil Kunal shouted but realizing the gravity of the situation he stopped his match, pretending to listen.
“Sense of humour? Meh. Every guy has sense of humour” said MCP Kunal.
“What are you saying MCP? Don’t underestimate sense of humour of girls. They have tremendous sense of humour when it comes to relationships.” commented SAIL Kunal.
Everybody had a good laugh. Lazy Kunal put order in place. Philosopher Kunal said, “You guys are good for nothing. I am very happy with his writings on Ayn Rand. I am an eagle and I don’t have time for all you rats” and he left. SAIL Kunal and Reddevil Kunal too agreed that blogger Kunal has taken care of their views. Cry-baby Kunal has become thick skinned and didn’t have any problem on blogger Kunal having pop once in a while at his ‘failed adventures’. In the end it was agreed that blogger Kunal is harmless and his endeavours, while they last, are good for everyone, except lazy Kunal. Lazy Kunal was disappointed but he had already missed his sleeping time, so he blocked the blog site on his laptop and went to sleep.
Looking back from blogger Kunal’s point of view, blogging has been amazing experience. It is amazing how things become clearer and how certain errors become apparent once the thoughts are written down. After first few blogs, there was a feeling, “will I write ever again?” That feeling is fading away though traces of it still remain. I always have a line in mind when quizzed on passion for football and Manchester United: ‘There is thin line between hobby and obsession. I have long since crossed that.’ Passion/love turning into obsession has been true in certain other cases as well, and it is not necessarily good always but I hope this writing hobby takes a higher step. It might be a ‘conceited assumption’ that I write well, similar to the title ‘perplexed omniscient’ but writing has certainly made the MBA life easier. I got a chance to visit blogs of many people and it was amazing to read certain blogs and most importantly the complex thought process behind it. The writings of my two favourite authors, P.L. Deshpande and Ayn Rand have more than convinced me that writing is an art and it was great satisfaction to contribute a drop in this ocean of art.
The most honest writing can come out only if one writes for himself/herself, at least in the early stages of developing one’s own abstraction and that’s what I have tried to do. Once that conviction has been reached, then only one can address the sort of audience one intends to address. This is not an end of some magnum opus or some famous play, it is far from it but still I would like to thank those few but regular visitors of my blog for taking the effort of expressing their views, conforming or non-conforming. Special thanks to those very few who have understood the intention of posts to the fullest, nothing is more satisfactory to a writer than a reader grasping the full meaning. Hopefully lazy Kunal won’t interrupt me again.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Once upon a time
Once upon a time, there existed a prosperous animal kingdom which was poised to be a superpower in near future. The government used to tell all animals that it was a true socialist kingdom, dedicated to the welfare of animals. The government was run by pigs. The general population in kingdom always used to work collectively because they were taught by pigs that each animal exists only for fellow animal. Almost all animals used to hate pigs, but they thought they were helpless. Pigs had also taught other animals that tigers, lions and elephants were very greedy species and have no morality. Tigers and Lions were owners of big businesses. Pigs however, had jackals on their payroll, specifically assigned the task to appease tigers and make sure that they pay taxes. The jackals and pigs had a nexus with wolves who used to run news channels in the kingdom. There were suddenly too many wolves in the kingdom all around, creating utter chaos. Monkeys were the most sought after specie to work in news channels.
Amidst all these, towards eastern corner of the kingdom existed a highly rated management institute. All animals wanted to study there, but only rats were admitted. Rats were supposed to be very talented individuals but they always professed the importance of collective. All rats used to race to get bigger pie of cheese. All the naive animals outside the institutes used to envy rats. Rats had a very peculiar way of going about their professional life. They had never identified what exactly is ‘life’ but they loved ‘segmentation’ and classified it as professional, personal, social etc, each segment supposed to have different codes of ethics. It never occurred to them that ethics ought to be objective, purely based on logic and reason. They had only one passion, networking. All codes were defined as per this passion. They had learnt early in a totally useless course that “only those rats who do networking succeed in organizations. “ Most of them considered learnings from important and core subjects as redundant and spend most of the time getting ‘contacts’ and more ‘contacts’. The rat which knew more number of rats was considered to be ‘made for the future’. When in doubt about the ‘need of networking’, they used to console each other by telling, ‘but there is no other way to succeed!!”. Eagle was the animal which rats hated the most. Eagle used to fly alone at high altitudes. Rats, coming out of their rat hole, used to bare their teeth at eagle. Eagle, oblivious to what is happening on the ground, used to fly alone hoping that at least someone will reach the heights he has reached, as it was lonely up there. Rats’ philosophy on the other hand was about getting everyone down to their level, so everyone has ‘level playing field’.
In the outer world, a scandal involving some modern technology was exposed. Tapes were released showing the ugly nature of the nexus between pigs, wolves and jackals. The general animal kingdom talked about it for few days and forgot because they were buoyed by a huge landslide victory of a pig in backward area of the kingdom. This pig was thought to be less corrupt and every animal hoped that he will bring that area back to glory. Animals were hysterically telling other animals, “See, not everything is bad. There is some good left somewhere. God is there.” Nobody for sure knew what this meant and for that matter what would happen next day, but it became fashion to forecast that this pig would transform the kingdom. It was not a belief formed from any study or information, but somewhere inside, they had this fear, “I hope it doesn’t turn out the other way, we can only hope.”
Rats too had joined the hysterical feel good fever, but they were more concerned about the scandal. “How can pigs, jackals and wolves form such nexus?” “How can they lobby?” Somewhere, it sounded similar to networking concept, but every rat hastily put that thought out of its mind. They convinced themselves, “these animals are public servants, whereas networking is the necessity of private life of uncommon animals like us.” Call it irony, but a scandal broke out at the same time in this famed institute. This institute, which was famous for branding anything and everything done in institute as ‘culture’, didn’t quite know what to do about the scandal. There was a ‘rat affairs council’ (RAC), in the institute dealing with all the rats related activities. RAC was (in)famous for tweaking the rules as per its whims, precisely because nobody cared to remember what were the rules last time. The rat involved in scandal was summoned to face an audit. All rats had gathered to witness the drama. Rats were used to having useless discussions for hours but sounding as if they were discussing something gravely important. So this being an issue of grave importance and consequence was discussed for 2-3 hours. All kind of words such as ethics, moral right, moral obligation, conscience etc were thrown into discussion though no one actually cared about them. Rat which did the scandal was trying to save itself while those on the other side were trying to get this rat ousted. They didn’t give a damn about ethics. Their basic problem was, “How can this rat try to get bigger pie at our expense?” Nobody cared to admit, but other rats were actually ‘disappointed’ that they were not the benefiting party of scandal. In rat and pig world, committing sin was not a crime, getting caught was.
Eagle, for once decided to stop and think, “What it is that keeps this mess going?” Eagle had studied history of human race which was extinct few centuries ago. It recalled how it became extinct and saw parallels between current animal world and extinct human world. It recalled the premise on which pigs, rats and jackals survive. A teaching learnt from a philosopher who was truly ‘human’. As long as no one names the exact nature of what is going on, anything and everything works.
Eagle pronounced the judgment and named the exact nature. Those who had the capacity to understand, but were often cursed for that very reason, withdrew support and left the kingdom for a place where only eagles had dared previously. Those who continued to evade reality perished fighting among themselves.
Amidst all these, towards eastern corner of the kingdom existed a highly rated management institute. All animals wanted to study there, but only rats were admitted. Rats were supposed to be very talented individuals but they always professed the importance of collective. All rats used to race to get bigger pie of cheese. All the naive animals outside the institutes used to envy rats. Rats had a very peculiar way of going about their professional life. They had never identified what exactly is ‘life’ but they loved ‘segmentation’ and classified it as professional, personal, social etc, each segment supposed to have different codes of ethics. It never occurred to them that ethics ought to be objective, purely based on logic and reason. They had only one passion, networking. All codes were defined as per this passion. They had learnt early in a totally useless course that “only those rats who do networking succeed in organizations. “ Most of them considered learnings from important and core subjects as redundant and spend most of the time getting ‘contacts’ and more ‘contacts’. The rat which knew more number of rats was considered to be ‘made for the future’. When in doubt about the ‘need of networking’, they used to console each other by telling, ‘but there is no other way to succeed!!”. Eagle was the animal which rats hated the most. Eagle used to fly alone at high altitudes. Rats, coming out of their rat hole, used to bare their teeth at eagle. Eagle, oblivious to what is happening on the ground, used to fly alone hoping that at least someone will reach the heights he has reached, as it was lonely up there. Rats’ philosophy on the other hand was about getting everyone down to their level, so everyone has ‘level playing field’.
In the outer world, a scandal involving some modern technology was exposed. Tapes were released showing the ugly nature of the nexus between pigs, wolves and jackals. The general animal kingdom talked about it for few days and forgot because they were buoyed by a huge landslide victory of a pig in backward area of the kingdom. This pig was thought to be less corrupt and every animal hoped that he will bring that area back to glory. Animals were hysterically telling other animals, “See, not everything is bad. There is some good left somewhere. God is there.” Nobody for sure knew what this meant and for that matter what would happen next day, but it became fashion to forecast that this pig would transform the kingdom. It was not a belief formed from any study or information, but somewhere inside, they had this fear, “I hope it doesn’t turn out the other way, we can only hope.”
Rats too had joined the hysterical feel good fever, but they were more concerned about the scandal. “How can pigs, jackals and wolves form such nexus?” “How can they lobby?” Somewhere, it sounded similar to networking concept, but every rat hastily put that thought out of its mind. They convinced themselves, “these animals are public servants, whereas networking is the necessity of private life of uncommon animals like us.” Call it irony, but a scandal broke out at the same time in this famed institute. This institute, which was famous for branding anything and everything done in institute as ‘culture’, didn’t quite know what to do about the scandal. There was a ‘rat affairs council’ (RAC), in the institute dealing with all the rats related activities. RAC was (in)famous for tweaking the rules as per its whims, precisely because nobody cared to remember what were the rules last time. The rat involved in scandal was summoned to face an audit. All rats had gathered to witness the drama. Rats were used to having useless discussions for hours but sounding as if they were discussing something gravely important. So this being an issue of grave importance and consequence was discussed for 2-3 hours. All kind of words such as ethics, moral right, moral obligation, conscience etc were thrown into discussion though no one actually cared about them. Rat which did the scandal was trying to save itself while those on the other side were trying to get this rat ousted. They didn’t give a damn about ethics. Their basic problem was, “How can this rat try to get bigger pie at our expense?” Nobody cared to admit, but other rats were actually ‘disappointed’ that they were not the benefiting party of scandal. In rat and pig world, committing sin was not a crime, getting caught was.
Eagle, for once decided to stop and think, “What it is that keeps this mess going?” Eagle had studied history of human race which was extinct few centuries ago. It recalled how it became extinct and saw parallels between current animal world and extinct human world. It recalled the premise on which pigs, rats and jackals survive. A teaching learnt from a philosopher who was truly ‘human’. As long as no one names the exact nature of what is going on, anything and everything works.
Eagle pronounced the judgment and named the exact nature. Those who had the capacity to understand, but were often cursed for that very reason, withdrew support and left the kingdom for a place where only eagles had dared previously. Those who continued to evade reality perished fighting among themselves.
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